Shelf Life

I guess, despite my belief, everything wasn't exactly figured out; but I guess if nothing else I have learned that planning doesn't necessarily mean success.  I had high expectations for this and for that reason, and that reason alone, it failed.  You see, I had this fairy tale idea that we would all get along, chase a tornado or two, and experience no drama.  I thought I was going to find a place for myself while I was out there this week.  Turns out I got nothing done...at all.  But it's true what they say and here's the thing - when one door closes another opens.  This may not have been the fairy tale I was dreaming of but amidst the aggravation and disappointment I had an awakening of what I should do with the next few months of my life.  So I guess it's not all bad, huh?  Another thing I've learned is that experience isn't necessarily seeing things, doing things, and living things that others haven't; no, it just means you had the courage to remember it.

So even if everything did fall through and it unraveled in the most unexpected way I'm becoming somewhat okay with that.  I'm okay with losing a friend (or two), I'm okay with feeling empty for a little while before I figure out the next step, I'm okay with still not knowing what the hell to do with my life, and YEAH I'm okay with writing all this on the back of my college acceptance letter because it's time to face the truth.  This dream is no longer within arms reach.  This last week has made me wiser (although possibly a little weaker) but still ready for the next round.  As disappointing as it is to be defeated, maybe I'm just not ready to settle down somewhere and live a normal life.  Perhaps I'm just not ready to have a shelf life.