I feel as though I'm losing so much by picking up and leaving. It seems the more people I talk to, the more confused I get. I know in my heart that the right decision for me, both spiritually and mentally, is to go to Oklahoma and TRY to make it work out there...I don't expect the grass to be any greener. Most close friends and family agree with that decision and tell me I'm brave for even entertaining such an idea. I guess it's natural to feel the anxiety and fear that I've been experiencing; I will be far from the ones I love in a place I'm unfamiliar with. I suppose the whole situation is bitter sweet, and not only that, but I haven't even left yet and I've learned a lot about myself and other people. I have realized that the only true friends I have are my family and just about everyone else I meet has an agenda or isn't even comfortable enough with themselves to be a friend. I've met good people here and will remember them until the day I die knowing that I couldn't be standing where I am without their help and support. But I also need to protect myself from the people who really only live for themselves. It's no way to live.
So, realistically, I'm not losing anything by leaving because leaving was a filter for the people I had in my life, and my family is supporting me whole-heartedly. So I guess one can say, whether I succeed in Oklahoma or not, I've won.
