A Journey Well Traveled

It's been over a year since I've posted a blog.  A lot has happened, most things unexpected, and some anticipated.  My dream of moving to Oklahoma, chasing the world's most severe weather, and getting accepted into The University of Oklahoma have all come true.  My last blog was about my fear to move 1,200 miles from my hometown, and today my blog is about the triumph of overcoming that fear.  Dreams and ambitions are a powerful thing, and they can lead you to the edges of the Earth.  I am a living and breathing example of rising from the ashes of addiction, and pursuing and creating a long awaited dream.  I haven't been an angel this last year and a half, in fact, it's been the contrary.  I've relapsed, dropped out of a semester of community college, been eaten alive my debt, and so on.  Life isn't a fairy tale and I can't tell you everything has gone as I planned.  Reality can be cruel, but without hesitation I can admit that reality can be wondrous and exciting.  The world has not seen the last of Victoria Backle and MCOM United Storm Chasers.  Today, my ideas of where MCOM will go and what we will do are overwhelmingly vast.  I plan to change the world with this simple organization, helping those all around the globe recover from natural disasters.  I hope and pray that one day my words will be an inspiration to a people.  One day, I believe MCOM will convene as individual groups internationally to help rebuild a town, a county, a state, and a nation.  Please visit this blog often to stay updated on what MCOM is doing.  You can also "chase" us on facebook or twitter!  Happy Holidays everybody.

Losing Vs. Winning

I feel as though I'm losing so much by picking up and leaving.  It seems the more people I talk to, the more confused I get.  I know in my heart that the right decision for me, both spiritually and mentally, is to go to Oklahoma and TRY to make it work out there...I don't expect the grass to be any greener.  Most close friends and family agree with that decision and tell me I'm brave for even entertaining such an idea.  I guess it's natural to feel the anxiety and fear that I've been experiencing; I will be far from the ones I love in a place I'm unfamiliar with.  I suppose the whole situation is bitter sweet, and not only that, but I haven't even left yet and I've learned a lot about myself and other people.  I have realized that the only true friends I have are my family and just about everyone else I meet has an agenda or isn't even comfortable enough with themselves to be a friend.  I've met good people here and will remember them until the day I die knowing that I couldn't be standing where I am without their help and support.  But I also need to protect myself from the people who really only live for themselves.  It's no way to live.
So, realistically, I'm not losing anything by leaving because leaving was a filter for the people I had in my life, and my family is supporting me whole-heartedly.  So I guess one can say, whether I succeed in Oklahoma or not, I've won.

The Constant Battle

I have recently made a life changing decision to move halfway across the country to Oklahoma and I have to be honest...I have never been more happy about anything in my whole life.  I'm turning 20 in three days, getting a puppy and I just signed a lease on an apartment, so if you ask me, this is the beginning of a brand new life.  Which is comforting because the last year has been the most stressful year I have ever lived through, but also the most rewarding. 

I was addicted to heroin 13 months ago and was put in an in-patient facility after I was arrested.  Now, I live in a half-way house and I am packing up all my things to move to Oklahoma; a place I've dreamt of living since I was a little girl.  Sometimes I am literally brought to my knees by the dramatic turn around that I have seen in the last year.  It has been proven to me that when I really want something, and work to get it, I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.  But I didn't do it alone, either.  I had a wonderful family, boss, and counselor backing me and cheering me on the whole time.  Yes, the same family that I stole from, lied to and shunned were now my biggest fans.  If nothing else I have learned what family really is - unbreakable.

When people meet me their first impression is often a young ambitious woman with hope and potential.  From the time I was thirteen up until last year their first impression was of fear for my life.  The fact that I am not only still alive, but also living my life to the fullest and appreciating every moment (as best as humanly possible) is nothing short of a miracle.  And one I never would have expected in this lifetime.

Today, I have my own storm chasing team (although not flourishing it is existent), I have begun to write about things that are hopeful and meaningful rather than about my angst and depression, and I have celebrated a Thanksgiving, a Christmas and a birthday clean.

My family and friends' fears that I may not make it to see another day has been replaced by the joy that I am still fighting the good fight constantly.  And trust me when I say that chasing a tornado is a better high than any drug I've ever done (and I've done them all).  I guess now you can call me an adrenaline junkie.  I won't argue.
You only get one moment and then it's gone, so begin to dream with no regrets and you'll be amazed by how far it takes you.

Shelf Life

I guess, despite my belief, everything wasn't exactly figured out; but I guess if nothing else I have learned that planning doesn't necessarily mean success.  I had high expectations for this and for that reason, and that reason alone, it failed.  You see, I had this fairy tale idea that we would all get along, chase a tornado or two, and experience no drama.  I thought I was going to find a place for myself while I was out there this week.  Turns out I got nothing done...at all.  But it's true what they say and here's the thing - when one door closes another opens.  This may not have been the fairy tale I was dreaming of but amidst the aggravation and disappointment I had an awakening of what I should do with the next few months of my life.  So I guess it's not all bad, huh?  Another thing I've learned is that experience isn't necessarily seeing things, doing things, and living things that others haven't; no, it just means you had the courage to remember it.

So even if everything did fall through and it unraveled in the most unexpected way I'm becoming somewhat okay with that.  I'm okay with losing a friend (or two), I'm okay with feeling empty for a little while before I figure out the next step, I'm okay with still not knowing what the hell to do with my life, and YEAH I'm okay with writing all this on the back of my college acceptance letter because it's time to face the truth.  This dream is no longer within arms reach.  This last week has made me wiser (although possibly a little weaker) but still ready for the next round.  As disappointing as it is to be defeated, maybe I'm just not ready to settle down somewhere and live a normal life.  Perhaps I'm just not ready to have a shelf life.

From Vernon, NJ to Oklahoma City, OK

It's been a hell of a two days.  We started off driving eleven (which ended up being thirteen) hours Vernon, NJ to Indianapolis, IN the first day and then another eleven today from Indianapolis, IN to Oklahoma City, OK.  After receiving a ticket for speeding, we decided not to be so time absorbed and just enjoy the scenery.  That only worked for about forty five minutes; (essentially twenty four hours in a car can do that to you).   If you ask me, I feel I've achieved alot in these last two days.  I've learned that when put to the test, I can accomplish just about anything I put my mind to.  I've also learned that I wouldn't have been able to do any of this if it weren't for the friends and family I have supporting me - and joining me on the adventure. 

I'm not in this on my own, I never have been, but I'd also like to think I have an advantage with the independent streak I was blessed with.  If and when I decide to move to Oklahoma I know I can make it work.  I know now that I will have what it takes to get exactly where I always dreamt I'd be.  One day MCOM will be a household name and I will have thousands of people following this blog and wanting to be a part of the charity.  But it's not just about me you know, it's about showing everyone that dreams are possible.  Despite your backround, the darkness you've faced, the faith you've lost - it's all possible.  I've only recently learned this, you see, but atleast I've got that knowledge now.  I hope everyone who reads this has a fantasic week, as ours will be, and hopefully the chase will be on tomorrow as Oklahoma City is on the map for some severe weather.  Thanks for reading!

A Week Before the Trip and Slowly Going Insane

Everyday we see the pettiness that life brings; we can see it in ourselves, others, celebrities, but most of us tend to shrug it off and act as if we are unphased.  I work in an environment that is stressful and as PETTY as it gets.  The women are worried about their weight, the men are worried about their money, and I sit here worried that I may miss the next storm outbreak by sitting in a financial office.  I've found myself wanting to ask the people in here what it all means.  Anonymous co-worker number one: what does it mean for you to worry about your weight so much to the point where you won't even eat those CRAZY GOOD bagels in the kitchen?  I mean, you do only eat a salad a day and you're probably eighty five pounds, you could use a damn bagel.  Anonymous co-worker number two: what does it mean for you to stress over the tie you're wearing, the 'close' you may not have closed, the things you may not have said (or said too much of) at a meeting?  These things, these overwhelmingly stressful little things, will be the death of all of us.  I have adapted to the toxicity this office offers, but I am not immune by any means.  I have found myself looking in the mirror, have I gained too much weight?, I find myself staring anxiously at my online bank account, do I have enough money?, when realistically - none of that shit matters!  Don't get my message wrong, I love everyone I work with, but I see them slowly killing themselves with their superficial addictions and obsessions and quite frankly it affects me as well.  I have spent alot of my time changing the way I think so I wouldn't have to worry about these things.  I'd like to think I'm a woman who eats what she likes, spends what she can, and is confident in the conversations she holds.  It wasn't an easy attribute to obtain but it's even harder to practice and hold on to, especially when the world is telling you how you should behave otherwise. 
I have priorities, and my priorities are to live a life that makes me happy and I'm sorry, friends, but I'm not happy with a salad (that doesn't even have chicken in it) a day and a life where money overcomes the obstacles that sheer happiness should. 
After long analytical pondering of the situation I've learned that these things I see around me won't go away wherever I go.  There are artificial self-made problems from New Jersey to Oklahoma I'm sure, but that doesn't mean it's not relieving to search for something else, somewhere else. So if anything I should be thanking these people for making it just a little bit easier to go far, far away.  And trust me, I am going as far as away as possible.

Gaining the Strength of Thousands

Someone once said that if you lose the fear of failure, you gain the strength of thousands.  For the chasers of MCOM, nothing rings more true.  The people who are involved in the organization are walking miracles and that's what makes MCOM so unique and powerful.  They have been hopelessly addicted to drugs, close to death, and through drug treatment facilities.  "We are adrenaline driven because that's all we've ever known" says one chaser, "and that makes us dangerous.  Effective, but dangerous."  The chaser recalls her time as an active addict as "nauseating and exhausting."
"I didn't sleep, I didn't live, I didn't dream.  All I did was get high and after I was done I'd get high again.  A vicious cycle that never ended."
Two chasers spent one year in a treatment facility located in Mendham, NJ, one says that without it her life would've ended abruptly and silently at the age of eighteen.  She is now twenty and living a life she never thought she'd live.
"I have a great job, people that support me, and a dream that no one can take from me.  It's better than anything I've ever known."
MCOM has not yet chased the storms they so actively seek but are planning their first storm chasing trip to begin May 21.  Their journey begins in Vernon, NJ and will be carried out all the way through to Oklahoma City, OK.  In NJ, they have successfully encountered dangerous downdrafts, severe thunderstorms, and flooding.  In one week in OK, they plan to see more than most people see in their lives.  They are anxiously hoping for what they refer to as - "the finger of God."  They encourage anyone to 'chase them' by following their twitter (www.twitter/com/MCOMchasers), their facebook (www.facebook.com/MCOMunitedstormchasers) and of course their blog right here at http://www.mcomunitedstormchasers.blogspot.com/